The Less We See The Beauty, The More We See This Mess

For the past few years or so, I was using myspace to blog about all my performances, competitions and views on music. But that's done now. Kind of exciting.

It's the beginning of April. Usually at the beginning of months, I stop and think about what I was listening to this time last year. The answer to that? No Use For A Name's "The Feel Good Record of the Year." Notice how I did not mention Anti-Flag's Bright Lights of America because it was just god awful. Anyway, I really enjoyed this album. There were a couple parts here and there that kind of bugged me. Like the actual trumpet being played in the trumpet player. But overall, it was damn solid. The songs I enjoyed most were "The Biggest Lie," "Yours To Destroy," "Sleeping Between Trucks," "Pacific Standard Time," and "Take It Home." Later that month I would go on to buy the second half to the Alchemy Index by Thrice. I'll never forget the feeling I got when I heard "Digging My Own Grave." Absolutely beautiful. Thrice is an incredible band. But I won't get into that since I did a while back on my myspace blog. Only shitty thing about both those albums is that they are tied with nothing but bad memories. Which is an unforgivable sin by whoever commits it. I was going through rough times with a person who couldn't be trusted. I was teaching an 8 year old kid who consistently made me waste my gas to go listen to him tell me that as an 8 year old he was too busy to practice.

I have this problem to where I always think to myself that the music I listen to now isn't as good as last years. But then the next year I think the same thing. I think the only legitimate time that was true was last year when I was looking back on 2007's April line up. I was listening to Lagwagon's "Let's Talk About Feelings," Bad Astronaut's "Acrophobe," and Smoke Or Fire "This Sinking Ship." All the while going through the end of my senior year of high school. And the end of senior year was fantastic! Shows, senior party, prom, graduation, gigs, competition, friends, happiness. Can't beat that.

Lately I've been listening to Broadway Calls. Lots of it. I just got out of a Rehasher, NOFX and Descendents phase. I'm still waiting on my copy of the new Propaghandi. You would think listening to Broadway Calls means your the happiest, most care free guy on the planet. Just about last week I was expressing in my live journal that I've got so much going for me. Great friends, great family, only a couple bills, heading to California to a world reknown music school, I don't have any girls to deal with, but all the while, I still end my days with discontent. Why? I couldn't quite figure it out. Someone suggested that I find god. And in the middle of my response of how I've never had god nor do I feel I need "him", it all just clicked.

In year of the 2008, I had a terrible and un healthy relationship. I got so used to being pissed off, cynical, paranoid, pessimistic, and just plain out MISERABLE, that it just became a normal way of living. Eventually, I didn't even realize that I was feeling like that because I was just so used to it. By no means did I ever consider myself close to being depressed. Just discontent. So once it clicked, I decided to change. To not always be down about something. Or look for the negative in any situation. To not be an unhappy person. To appreciate what I have in life. Because I do have a lot going for me right now. Fuck, I was the #1 selected undergrad to the San Francisco Conservatory of Music! I feel that seasons can determine what kind of music you listen to. I usually try to listen to fun punk in the spring and summer. The weather is beautiful. The grass is green. The sun is warm. So now listening to Broadway Calls is just that much sweeter because for the first time since 2007, I'm a happy person.